How it Hurts
by Caymett
Summary: This is Edward's POV during his seperation from Bella during New Moon. One-Shot.


**Summary: This is how I imagined Edward's Point of View during his separation from Bella in New Moon would have gone. One-Shot.**

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephanie Meyer.**

**Warning: This story is slightly sad, but if you have read New Moon you know it all ends well :)**

**How It Hurts**

I cannot get her out of my head. It has been almost five months since I left her standing in the woods, thinking I don't love her anymore. I am still awed that she even believed me after everything I had told her. She is everywhere.

The sun reminds me of her shining, deep and thoughtful eyes. Flower petals remind me of her soft lips. The warmth of the midday sun is nothing compared to the heat from her skin. The sound of her heart fluttering at my slightest touch resounds in my ears. The reddening sky at sunset could never match the brilliance of her lovely blush. The night reminds me of endless hours spent watching her sleep.

"Ugh," I groaned. I need to focus. These errant thoughts are making tracking Victoria impossible. "Focus on the trail," I told myself, but it's no use. Everywhere I look, I see her face. She is smiling at me warmly; arms open, waiting for me to come back to her.

I shook my head. I know that is not true. I am sure she has moved on, realized the monster I really am, and decided she is better off without me.

I am such a wretched creature. I have committed the most heinous of all sins. I put Bella's life in danger! I hurt her! My chest tightened. My sweet, innocent, beautiful Bella… If I had a soul, it would certainly hold a black mark for that. Bringing Bella close to death is the worst thing I have ever done in my long life. All the lives I have taken will amount to nothing when compared to the dreadful crime that would be Bella's death.

But that is why I left, so that she could realize how awful I am for her, and move on. The gaping hole, where my silent heart should be, started to throb. I just hope it is not Newton. He is a slightly better choice than I am, but from the thoughts, I have seen him think about My Bella, he isn't that much better.

"Shut up! She isn't yours," I chastised myself. Maybe she moved to Jacksonville with her mother and met some nice boy there. Ouch, that thought stung. I just hope she stayed away from that Jacob kid and the other residents of the Quileute tribe. With his family's history, she might not be safe around him. Hope he doesn't have a temper.

The thought of Bella with Jacob sent a searing pain through my chest that brought me to my knees. Maybe I should go check on her. She will never know. I will just peak to make sure she doesn't have any claw-mark scars.

Everything turned red with that thought. If that boy, no Dog, ever hurt Bella, they would never be able to identify the remains when I got through with him.

My phone buzzed and disturbed my rage. I looked at the caller ID, Rosalie. "Why on Earth would she call me?" I ignored it.

Back to tracking, checking on Bella is a bad idea. What's to stop me from ripping, whoever now claims her affection into shreds? I would never do that to her, but the thought of it was slightly amusing. Besides, she promised nothing reckless.

The phone buzzed again. "Shut Up! I'm busy!" I growled into the phone and slapped it shut.

Tracking… However, what if she is in danger? She does have a tendency to attract it. Would checking on her be THAT bad? My body lightened at the thought of racing back to the place where I left my heart, upset and alone in the woods.

"Yes it would be THAT bad!"

Oh wonderful, now I am arguing with myself, as if the talking to myself wasn't bad enough. I sat down, pulled my knees to my chest. If I am not going to track then I will focus on the pain. I deserve this pain; it is suitable punishment for all the turmoil I put Bella through.

If she knew what I am thinking, she would complain about me being too masochistic right now. I smirked at that thought. The thought of Bella being angry with me, she is adorable when she's angry.

My phone buzzed again. "What do you want Rosalie? I really do not feel like talking to you." I paused, waiting for her to explain why she was continuing to interrupt me. I specifically told them ALL that I want to be left _alone_! "What's over? What are you talking about?" I paused again while she continued to explain. "Well, I don't care if Bella moved. I'm still not going back to Forks." Good her being in Jacksonville is the best option from my earlier thoughts, now I will not have to kill a werewolf, or Newton.

Her next words shattered my world.

I shut the phone. No, that cannot be true. I flipped the phone open again and dialed Charlie's number. If Rosalie were playing some kind of prank, Emmett would have to catch me before he could try to hurt me for what I was going to do to his wife. A gruff voice that seemed familiar, but I could not place answered the phone.

The call proved that Rosalie was not lying. The reason for my existence is gone. I can live no longer.

I took off running. I hope with all of my being that maybe, just maybe, Carlisle is right, and I have the slightest chance of seeing her again, but I doubt it. I am not worthy enough to deserve that.

a/n: This was my first fanfic hope you enjoyed. Please review :)


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